My First Time Vintage Shopping in Years

Nardwuar caps, jousting dresses, Ugg alternatives, and the single random thing I bought.

Hello! I am so grateful and humbled to share that I have won an extremely prestigious award:

It may be rescinded any minute, but as of now, the shiny little guy is displayed proudly on a cardboard box, one of the two pieces of de facto furniture besides a floor mattress I have in my room at the moment (the other one is a camping chair sent to me by my lovely grandmother).

I wish that were true, but alas, I must wait until my next payday to even consider furnishing my cave. The trophy was among the first things I saw upon entering Hollywood Vintage here in PDX last week and marked the beginning of my first vintage shopping trip in which I felt near-completely fulfilled though I left empty-handed. I guess it’s a good sign that I can glean inspiration from pieces without having to own them RIGHT AWAY—I think the trick for me is to take tons of photos of pieces and their tags so the possibility of finding a given item online isn’t nil. The single piece I did end up with from this post (read on to find out which, not from Hollywood Vintage!), I initially didn’t buy and then thought about incessantly for the following 24 hours, which I feel like is a fair holding period. There’s also something very [pseudo] meaningful about leaving a purchase up to chance—if someone else had taken it before me, I guess that would have been the natural flow of entropic energy or something.

Anyway, read on for Nardwuar caps, more respectable alternatives to Moon Boots, me shopping for people online I barely know, and much more.

By the way, it takes, like, four hours longer to make each of these posts now because of my tragically retrograde laptop downgrade, so I appreciate your patience and ask for grace if you notice any typos or glitches.

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THANK YOU for being here, and I am always available @that.esque on Instagram for sartorial scandals/situations/summons. Here is a little (big, actually, this time) preview of what’s below the paywall:

This Geiger wool sweater (variations of which go for $30-$80 on eBay right now) inspired me with its slightly structured bodice and subtly mutton chop-like sleeves framing ribbed “shoulder pads” with thickly coiled seams. It felt both very medieval and very 80s, two eras that have been bumping shoulders recently in the collective fashion consciousness, and I really liked the way the costumey shape added a spirited energy that most formless or lumpy sweaters seem to suck out of an outfit. Unfortunately, the wool was just a hair too scratchy for me to deem it perfect and worthy of purchase. I would love to wear the above sweater fully buttoned up with those illegally short shorts that are kind of cut like underwear and over-the-knee socks to emphasize its court jesterliness, but on a regular basis I’d just wear it with low-slung jeans to emphasize its slightly cropped hemline.

I didn’t like this colorway as much—a bit too twee and missing the cool shoulder/sleeve architecture.

I had people flocking to my DMs attempting to bully me out of liking this cap (at my request). The best people could come up with was “Nardwuar,” which only made me like it more, “Chris Brown,” which I just think is a bit too far-flung, and “Señoritx Awesome,” certainly the most potent discouragement. Something about my hair at this exact length just carries the shape so well, with the curls spreading out like flowers at the maw of a vase around its brim, but I can’t bring myself to spend a cent on such a loaded, potentially evil accessory. It is my birthday on Sunday, however, and if someone were to buy it for me…